Friday, November 20, 2009

Can you go back?

I think I could, but that doesn't necessarily mean we'll move back. Things change, people move on.....Our time living on the island is past, so my husband tells me. The ties are there, the friendships continue and every time I visit is as if I never left.....but moving back looks less and less probable.

Of course there is not time for decisions yet. Frankie still works and enjoys it. I am still looking for myself...isn't that something? at my age? I feel there is a lot we can do still, so much to see, to enjoy, to live. Miami has things to discover, even is I am not always enthusiastic about this place. Our children have strong ties to the island and I am sure they intend to keep those ties, after all that is home to them. That can be great for me....I will have reasons to go back if they insist on that too!

In the meantime, let's just visit as much as we can, keep our friends close and out memories alive. When the time comes, we'll see. I am not going to say NO to consider going back. Why? Oh, well......other probabilities can present themselves, other places can just become the front runners, but Dushi Korsow will always be my choice! and isn't that amazing?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Discovering new things....

Learning something new every chance we get, discovering things and actually enjoying it, making sure we keep moving forward and other such things have been on my mind lately..... Just returning from Panama, where I spent 10 days trying to make sense of the task we have there: taking care of our mother by long distance!

It rained every day, in the morning, or at night or in the afternoon. It was the time of celebrating all kinds of patriotic days: Independence Day, Flag Day, Anthem name it. I discovered that there is a never-ending show of patriotism in my small country. Having become an expat by choice so long ago, these things are not high priority for me...maybe never were. So watching endless parades was not on schedule. For sure, I was looked over as strange by most.

Then there was the fact that people think I should move back because...don't I miss all that? Oh, well. Never thought that would be the reason to move back...good health care, beautiful beaches, cheap household help, small communities, now those are reasons I understand. Who would have known? I absolutely do not understand the people I grew up with.

Friends from high school have been trying to get in touch by calling members of my family I don't even keep in touch with!!! On arriving here in Miami, I got emails and pictures of birthdays and reunions. To my amazement, some of them I hardly recognized! Having been out of touch with most of them for over 40 years, it was to be expected....but I discovered I would have liked to see them and probably will contact some of them next time I go visit my mother.

I feel like a citizen of the world, with little or no attachment to my country of birth, people I knew when I was growing up or things I used to do and like. It was not surprising, but it was a bit sad. There are things I missed that I might have enjoyed, or things that I would have participated in, memories I would have made, friendships to cultivate. They stayed behind in Panama and became a tight group, something we were not when in school. That could be a good thing, it is to them, apparently. I sort of envy them that... On the trade off, I have gained a new me, a person I am more comfortable with. Discovering this has been good.......