There is no escaping this...it's time to go to Panama again. Traveling alone is far from my favorite thing, traveling to Panama alone is absolutely not to my liking....but a necessity. So, once again, I am traveling to see my mother.
Many times I think to myself, how do I really feel about this back and forth? Do I go because I want to see my mother or because I have to go see my mother? Big difference. She is not longer interested in who comes and goes, her life is very structured and she likes her routine. She is doing as well as she is going to do from now on. Only thing my sisters and I can do, is provide for the comforts that make her days pleasant, peaceful.
Of course, nowadays it's easier ...since my sister went to live in Panama. There is not that sense of urgency...... is it that now she is more fragile? or that we know anything can go wrong, at any time? Or my sister is close by and very efficient? Who knows? The only thing we really worry about is the hiring of the nurses that care for her. It's getting more and more difficult to get them. The turn-over is higher now. We've managed to find them, but they don't stay long.
I tend not to dwell on this. It has to be done...period. Fortunately, lately I have been visiting when there are things to do in town: Carnival, Easter week and other celebrations. It's easier when there are distractions. Still, not the ideal vacation...more to the point: it's not a vacation! This time one of my friends that live in Holland would be there visiting her family. We'll get together and reminisce, always a good thing! So, I bought my ticket, started getting everything organized. Then I'll pack and go.